NORTHGLENN, Colo. — After spending roughly four decades in law enforcement, a beloved member of the Northglenn Police Department ended his life. His children want to ensure that fellow first responder families do not live through such heartbreak.
Detective Paul Gesi's law enforcement career spanned 41 years. He was with the Northglenn Police Department for 39 of those years.
"He was tenacious about fighting for his victims," said Commander Kelly Shelley, who worked alongside Gesi. "He's probably touched every one of our big cases at our department... His legacy is one of truth, seeking justice for victims. And he has no unsolved homicides in his tenure here."
Studies show first responders are more likely to die by suicide than in the line of duty. Those with the Northglenn Police Department said Gesi's suicide came after a long battle with severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
"The cases that he handled were the worst of the worst," Shelley told Denver7. "It has to be a culture shift in our profession to where it is normal to ask for help. It is normal to process things that happen that are traumatic, and you shouldn't be ashamed of doing that."
Gesi, who died on August 6, left behind six children who range in age from 17 to 30. Five of them attended a press conference on Monday to explain who their father was and the emotional impact of his suicide.
"Mental health is something that we can't see. That's an injury that is inside of you," said Emily Gesi. "We knew that our dad was struggling because we saw signs of anxiety and depression... All of the years that he was in law enforcement — all of the years, at least, that we were alive — we never saw our father bring work home. But a little bit towards the end, he started to talk about how he was starting to feel the darkness that he had been dealing with in his 41 years of being an officer."
According to Gesi's children, there was no specific case that catalyzed this change. They said in the months before his death, he did see a police psychiatrist.
Still, the family feels blindsided, and said they had no idea the magnitude of the struggles their father was facing.
"Truth has always been so important to him. What was it that held him back from being truly honest about how much he was hurt and how much he was struggling?" Amanda Gesi asked. "The hole that our dad has left behind is one that's never going to be able to be filled again."
- You can watch Detective Paul Gesi's funeral service in the video player below:
The Gesi children believe the stigma that plagues mental health treatment was one factor that contributed to their father's death.
"We want to tell the truth. There is a stigma, not just within law enforcement, but just really within the world about mental health, that, for some reason, always gets pushed under the rug or is hidden in darkness, and nothing can be fixed or resolved if it's not brought to the light," Emily Gesi said. "We don't want anybody to feel the loss that we are feeling because of a job."
The Gesi family feels that many law enforcement officers find their identity within their badge, but they know their father was so much more than his career.
"There are hundreds of thousands of cops, but there was only one Paul Gesi," Emily Gesi said.
"I know that this job was important, but when you have children, you have a family, please seek the help that you need too," said Madeline Gesi. "Anybody watching this, please, who have children, get the help that you need because we're telling you it wasn't worth it."
Amanda Gesi, the oldest of the siblings, carried her young son in her arms during the press conference. Her baby boy was born just two days after her father took his life.
"My dad was so looking forward to being a grandpa again, and texted me almost every single day asking how he was doing before he was born," Amanda Gesi said, wiping tears away. "Having to go through the process of labor and everything, knowing my dad wasn't going to be there to meet him on the other end, was incredibly difficult... All of us have hope because we know where our dad is. We know, because of our faith, that he is in Heaven with Jesus right now, and we're all going to get to see him. Right now, he is getting to watch the joy and everything that comes from this little guy, even though he can't be here with us."
The Gesi children spoke about their father's suicide to show the toll it has taken, the people who were left behind, and just how important it is to take mental health seriously. They hope their message reaches someone who needs it and spares anyone else the heartache they are currently experiencing.
"There's no shame in talking about it or showing any sign of weakness," said Emily Gesi. "Love on them. Pray for them. Don't let them be alone, and encourage them to talk to somebody."
"We're going to really try to focus on obviously spreading light on the situation in the future," said Johnathan Gesi. "We don't want this to obviously happen to anybody else in their families."
Commander Shelley said the Northglenn Police Department, in the past three years, has worked to make its peer support mandatory instead of voluntary.
"As leadership, we're getting in front of it. We know that it's an issue, and it's not something that we want to hide as well," Shelley said. "Our peer support people are up and down the ranks, so they appeal to very different people within the organization... It's hard enough sometimes to get first responders to talk about it, and if we were not able to do that with anonymity, it would be a bigger problem."
The Northglenn Police Department provided the following resources for first responders who are struggling with their mental health:
- National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
- CopLine: 1-800-COPLINE (1-800-267-5463) A confidential, 24-hour hotline for law enforcement officers, staffed by retired law enforcement officers.
- Colorado Crisis Services: 1-844-493-8255 or text "TALK" to 38255. Free, confidential, and immediate support 24/7.
- ResponderStrong: Provides resources and support for first responders and their families. Visit responderstrong.org.
