BOULDER, Colo. — Sunday marked one week since a firebombing attack upon demonstrators along the Pearl Street Mall, who were calling for the release of hostages in Gaza. This is the second time within the last five years that tragedy has struck the Boulder community.
"Disbelief. Almost instant disbelief" is what Ellen Mahoney felt when she learned about the Pearl Street Mall attack. Ellen was married to Kevin Mahoney, one of 10 people killed in a mass shooting at a Boulder King Soopers on March 22, 2021.
The Mahoneys have not stopped thinking about the people hurt in the attack since it happened.
"I just felt my heart drop into my stomach," Erika Mahoney, Kevin's daughter, said. "I'm not going to lie, my PTSD spiked. I spiraled for a couple of hours."
While the two incidents are very different, the Mahoneys deeply understands how long the road to healing can be after such a tragedy.
"I think the first commonality between these two things is our sense of safety being ripped out from underneath our feet," Erika said. "It has taken me a long time to be able to live my life. I also know that my dad wouldn't want me to stop living. And so, these things really take away our sense of safety, but we have to not give our power away."
Over the years, Ellen has reflected on grief and the different ways it can present.
"There's expected grief, with the loss of a loved one — say, an elderly parent — which is still really hard," Ellen explained. "And then there's unexpected grief with something like a tragedy, with your husband running for his life and being shot in the back and killed in your neighborhood supermarket, or someone being burned alive during a peaceful protest. And that kind of grief is very hard to process, because it feels so hard to grasp, it feels senseless, it feels confusing, it feels scary, but it also reminds me of how incredibly cruel humans can be to one another, and that I think about that a lot."
Ellen found herself repeating the same questions on Sunday that she has asked herself for the last four years.
"Why can't we get along? Why can't we be more loving? Why can't we care about our neighbor? Why can't we lend a helping hand?" Ellen asked.
The Mahoneys know how critical messages of support and love are at a time like this for those impacted by the attack. Ellen shared a message for anyone who may be struggling right now, speaking from a place of experience.
"Just take one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Take care of yourself and reach out to others for help, because you need help. Know you're strong — you're so strong — you're stronger than you ever think you are, and you're still here," Ellen said. "Try to figure out ways to still love the life you have."
Meanwhile Erika hopes her words serve as proof of light at the end of the tunnel.
"We shouldn't have to live in a world where we feel unsafe every single day, and right now, it does feel like that," Erika said. "I am always telling myself that amid the darkness there are good things waiting to be seen, and we just need to keep our eyes open. There are people that want to help, there's beauty all around us. And grief and joy, unfortunately, coexist at the same time, so we just have to keep looking and keep searching and keep trying."
Angela Schellenberg specializes in grief and trauma counseling, and has been working with Erika for roughly three years.
"We both happened to lose our fathers to gun violence. So that, you know, is a real connection for us," Schellenberg said.
Schellenberg, who is based in California, instantly thought of Erika when she learned of the Pearl Street Mall attack.
"New grief and trauma brings back old grief and trauma," Schellenberg explained. "I'm sure the whole city is feeling this, because it's a collective grief, and it's also a collective trauma."
This kind of trauma results in a physiological response, according to Schellenberg.
"When trauma happens, it actually lands in the body. It lands in our nervous system," Schellenberg said. "The first thing people think is breath first, but the first thing to do is get yourself grounded. So what I mean by that is like, put your feet in the ground."
It may seem simple, but grounding was a technique that Erika said she benefited from when her sense of safety was stolen.
"Trauma takes us out of the present moment and puts us in the past. So, if you can ground yourself in the safety of your home and environment and the people that love you, that is really helpful," Schellenberg said.
Erika still speaks about her father in the present tense, saying she will never move on from what happened in March of 2021 — but she can move forward.
"I don't ever want to forget what happened. I will never move on from my dad. He's still a big part of my life," Erika said. "He's still the best dad. So always, always a part of me."
Boulder King Soopers Shooting
Mass shooting victim's daughter explores moving through grief in new podcast
Erika has poured her soul into a new project, one she believes can help those who are living through trauma. "Senseless with Erika Mahoney" is a podcast that will weave the stories of people surrounding the mass shooting together into a conversation about moving forward after the unthinkable happens.
The trailer for Senseless with Erika Mahoney was released during the same week of the attack along Pearl Street Mall. The first episode of the podcast will premiere on June 17.
- JEWISHcolorado has set up a fund to help those who were injured in Sunday's attack. If you'd like to donate, follow this link.
Denver7 extensively covered the trial for the gunman in the King Soopers shooting. The defendant was found guilty on all 55 counts, with a jury rejecting the not guilty by reason of insanity plea. He was sentenced to 10 consecutive life sentences in prison for the first-degree murder charges, on top of more than 1,000 years for other charges in the case.
The ten people killed on March 22, 2021, were Neven Stanisic, Kevin Mahoney, Tralona Bartkowiak, Rikki Olds, Denny Stong, Lynn Murray, Teri Leiker, Jody Waters, Suzanne Fountain, and Boulder police officer Eric Talley.
